When someone says, “I love bicycling,” they almost never mean, “I’m aware of state traffic laws and am actively trying to promote alternative transportation.” What they really mean is they love going out for cappuccinos with their hipster art-school friends, and check out my trendy backpack/new tattoo.

OH KIDS! You think you’re so cool with raping indigenous cultures to wear your fancy little male-only Native American headdresses to go out and get drunk, because you’re stupid hipsters who consume everything wrong, but what are you missing? You can’t even perceive it because to you, nothing is cooler than Irony 095 (prereq.).

As for me, I’m making beer. I made an English brown ale, and tonight I’m making a bourbon dubbel. As seen in the photos, I grind my own malt and have a batch of French dark oak chips steeping in Woodford Reserve (you won’t recognize the name because it’s not that shitty PBR you insist on repeating, because “get it?”, but it’s one of the three best Kentucky bourbons available). I’m in the process of steeping the hops even as I write this, and in a couple weeks I will have made, with my own hands, a better beer than anything you have spent your parents’ money on.

I hate hipsters, if that’s not clear. They are stupid and dumb, and they suck.

Also, I love making my own beer.

I hadn’t even heard of this trend until I read a well-composed decrying of it. It seems that hipsters, always grabbing and appropriating things without context or understanding, are starting to explore racism. But when asked to perhaps not be so racist, they instead defend their right to be uneducated assholes. Hipster girls have taken to coöpting the headdress, the sacred, male-only cultural artifact of many Native American tribes, because they think it’s “pretty.” So, hail the conquering tribe: white girls don’t see any problem with pillaging a minority culture for the sake of shallow fashion trends and getting drunk with friends. And they wonder why they’re so unlikable…